Unwanted threesome with wife lands Ontario iron worker behind bars for sexual assault

An Ontario iron worker who tried to have a threesome with his highly intoxicated wife after she passed out has been sentenced to three years in prison. The 40-year-old man is identified only by initials in a decision from Ontario’s Court of Justice. “The defendant’s moral blameworthiness is high,” Justice Joseph De Filippis wrote in his recent decision. “He had been aware for years that the victim opposed participation in these sexual acts. That the defendant’s heavy consumption of alcohol and cocaine may have contributed to his decision to ignore her enduring objections and act out his fantasy does not diminish blameworthiness.”

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The man was found guilty, after trial, of sexually assaulting his wife in the late summer or fall of 2020. They separated the next year. “Sometime between August 1 and October 31, 2020, the complainant awoke to the sensation of a penis in her mouth and another one in her rectum,” the judge wrote in his decision dated May 14. “She has no memory of how this happened.” The sexual assault took place in a shed outside the couple’s matrimonial home. “That the complainant suddenly awoke and bolted from the scene in a state of shock and distress was not seriously or successfully challenged,” De Filippis said. The couple met in 2012. “They married in 2017 and have two children — an 11-year-old and a 10-year-old,” said the judge. She reported the sexual assault to authorities on Sept. 30, 2023, about three years after they separated. In an online conversation after the sexual assault, the man told his victim that “she appeared to enjoy the threesome.” That online conversation did not raise a reasonable doubt for the judge. “The Crown has discharged its burden of proving that the defendant directly, and as a party, engaged in sexual activity with the complainant knowing of, or being reckless of or willfully blind to, a lack of consent on her part.” The woman’s “adamant refusal to participate in this type of sexual activity, expressed before and after it occurred, and her palpable reaction after awakening from her stupor is compelling proof and permits an inference to be drawn with respect to the issue of consent,” said the judge. “This mostly uncontested circumstantial evidence persuades me that the complainant did not voluntarily agree to the sexual activity.” The iron worker’s lawyer argued that the Crown was not able to prove she did not consent to the threesome. “There is no question the complainant was intoxicated,” De Filippis said. “That she awoke means at some point she fell asleep or passed out and I conclude from this that she was severely intoxicated. Her first memory upon awakening is vivid and compelling; a strong and disgusting odour, immediately followed by the sensation of a penis in her mouth, hearing the words, ‘no teeth, no teeth,’ and the awareness of being anally penetrated. The complainant quickly ran out into the night, without pants, and without any words being spoken.” The couple “had discussed a threesome — at least to the extent that the defendant revealed he would enjoy watching his wife have sex with other men — early in their relationship and the complainant had refused to participate,” said the judge. “Moreover, after the events in question at this trial, when the parties engaged in sexual activity, the defendant suggested it be repeated. Again, the complainant rejected this.” His lawyer’s suggestion that the woman “knew her husband always wanted this experience and, therefore, she might have changed her mind about a threesome is speculation,” De Filippis said. The woman told the court that the “trauma of this event has affected my relationships with friends and family…. A lot of people are upset that I spoke up about what happened…. I am unable to have contact with most of my family members, and I no longer make plans with friends, or go out and do the things I used to enjoy.” Since the sexual assault, the woman said she feels like she no longer knows who she is. “I have felt an overwhelming sense of fear, shame, guilt, disgust, and confusion. My life has changed in ways I never imagined. I struggle emotionally with constant anxiety and depression, which became extremely heightened when everything happened…. The stress has caused my hair to fall out, drastic weight loss, constant nightmares, as well as left me completely worn out both physically and mentally.” The woman has sought “professional help (on a long-term basis)” to help her cope with the sexual assault. “I have been through many different medications and counselling sessions. These have all been out of pocket costs, as I do not have insurance.” After reporting the sexual assault to police, the woman said she was scared for herself and her children. “I live in fear of retaliation constantly.” His lawyer suggested the judge impose a conditional sentence for the sexual assault. But the judge wasn’t buying it. The man “has been a productive member of society and presently understands the need to address substance abuse issues,” De Filippis said. “I also consider the fact that he has strong support in the community. However, this is a significant crime. The sexual acts profoundly violated the victim’s body and dignity. She has suffered, and continues to suffer, substantial harm.” Our website is the place for the latest breaking news, exclusive scoops, longreads and provocative commentary. Please bookmark nationalpost.com and sign up for our daily newsletter, Posted, here.